thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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