Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
