Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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