White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
