it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize