No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
where are my eyebrows?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
