another moral hangover. fuck.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
