"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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