You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They took my balls.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
