:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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