I am spending my child support on dildos
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
