I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
