Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
