That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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