You work out of a Hotel?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
