I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
