I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
