It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
