Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
