all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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