We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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