My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
