so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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