even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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