Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
