you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
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i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
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Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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