I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
