you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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