I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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