that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
