we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Everclear isn't food dammit
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