Duck Duck Cougar?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
