He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
