We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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