After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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