Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
