I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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