shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.