Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
