you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
