So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
