woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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