i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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