Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
