I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
