I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize