lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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