I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
