My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
