I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize