She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
