Nicole vs. Life
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
