There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
