I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
