I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
