its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
