I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
