so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
