there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
