I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
