it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
