I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
