I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
